The Shiz
by ShotgunNeko
Summary: Mai and her dog Takumi enlist the help of The Shiz to escape Oz. Will she be stopped by the Wicked Witch? What does The Shiz want in return for her help?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

Well I needed a break from OROHOB. This idea just came to me, so I decided to pen it down. Won't be a long fic, although I say that about all of them lol.

Anyways it's obviously based on The Wizard Of Oz, although it won't progress the same way the original does as I only vaguely know the story.

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own Mai Hime/Otome or The Wizard of Oz.

**Chapter 1**

Mai held her hand to her head. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. In front of her stood fifty chibi-Midori-like munchkins! They were all so small and so cute. She looked around bewildered as she had no idea how she got here. Last thing she remembered she had been at home, in the Fuuka district with her beloved dog Takumi. Now she and Takumi had just stepped out of what seemed to be a house wreckage of some sort. As she looked down she saw two feet sticking out from under the wreck. Mai gasped as the realization set in.

"Were not in Fuuka anymore Takumi..." Mai began, before being interrupted.

"Woohoo!" yelled the first chibi-Midori.

"You killed the witch!" grinned the second chibi-Midori.

"Let's sing a song about it!" said another random chibi-Midori.

Before Mai could stop the tiny group of Midori-like little people, they rolled out their small karaoke machine and began to play the hits.

"Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!" sang the first Midori happily, as she strutted her stuff across the makeshift stage.

"Ding Dong! The Witch is dead!" chorused the Midoris in unison as they began to do the Macarena, The Twist and The Mashed Potato all at once.

Mai rubbed her eyes again as she watched in awe as the Midoris continued to sing and dance gleefully, doing The Sprinkler, The Swim and the Cabbage Patch.

"Can I try?" asked Mai as she picked Takumi up from the ground and set him into her large purse-like bag. Where she accumulated the purse-like bag she had no idea but she was the type to go with the flow, so flow she did.

"Sure!" chorused the Midoris.

"Just read off the teleprompter." smiled Mayor Midori.

"Wake up-sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed." Mai shook her groove thang with her brand new entourage of chibi-Midoris.

"Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go--" Mai trailed off as she was interrupted by a wonderful blue light shining in her direction.

"What's that?" she asked the chibi-Midoris, who were a little upset at their big dance number being cut off.

"Awww it's Natsuki the Semi-Ok Witch of the North." said Coroner Midori.

"Semi-Ok?" asked Mai, once again confused.

Natsuki appeared in the middle of the blue light, looking kick ass and awesome as always. She was wearing a black leather biker suit, complete with helmet. As she removed the helmet, her cobalt hair waved dramatically, even though there seemed to be no wind.

"Why is your hair waving? There's no wind." observed Mai.

"Because I'm Sexy." replied the Semi-Ok Witch, nonchalantly.

"Ahhhh I see." Mai said shrugging.

"What do we have here?" asked Natsuki, surveying the damage.

Mai realized she was referring to the legs sticking out from under the wreckage. She had momentarily forgot about that, as Karaoke had seemed much more important only a few moments ago.

"You've killed Tomoe the Wicked Witch of the East!" Natsuki exclaimed.

The munchkin Midoris cheered again. Apparently she had been causing them trouble for quite some time. With her out of the way, the chibi-Midoris were free to practice their singing and dancing routines whenever they felt like it.

Before Mai could reply to Natsuki another blinding light appeared. This time it was green.

"No! My sister! My poor sister!" came a voice.

"ACCCK!" cried the chibi-Midoris as they all cowered behind the Semi-Ok Witch Natsuki.

Mai and Natsuki turned their attention to the voice.

"You will pay for killing my sister!!" screamed Haruka the Wicked Witch of the West.

"Haruka-chan she was actually your third cousin, twice removed." came a smaller voice behind the Wicked Witch.

"Who are you?" asked Mai curiously.

"I am Haruka the Wicked Witch of the West." the Witch boasted and puffed her chest out.

"And I am Yukino The Apprentice Wicked Witch of the West/ Sex slave to Haruka-chan." the smaller brunette said.

Haruka, Natsuki and Mai looked at Yukino with their mouths open.

"Err---ok I made that last part up." she admitted softly.

"Anyways" Haruka continued ignoring Yukino's comment. "You killed a family member of mine and that shall not be taken lightly. To be a Wicked Witch you must have strength, skill and what else Yukino?" quizzed Haruka.

"GUTS!" yelled Yukino enthusiastically.

"That's right." Haruka nodded matter-of-factly. "And my guts are telling me that you're finished."

"Wait just a minute Haruka." said Natsuki smiling. "You have no power here in the East. Your power is only good in the West. Therefore you and your guts need to take this someplace else." she finished.

The chibi-Midoris then broke into a great rendition of "You Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer, complete with parachute pants and saying things like "Word To Your Mother." Even though that was a Vanilla Ice thing, they didn't care because the witch was no threat.

"Fine then!" yelled the Wicked Witch defeated.

"Haruka-chan are you gonna take that lying down?" asked Yukino, as she then pondered that thought. "Mmmmm Haruka-chan lying down..." her mind slid into the gutter.

"Hells no!" yelled Haruka, as she jumped on her broomstick.

"Haruka-chan aren't you forgetting why we came here?" asked Yukino snapping out of her dream like trance.

Haruka thought. Then she thought some more. Natsuki and Mai played "I Spy" while the Wicked Witch tried to remember what she was supposed to remember.

"I spy with my little eye something that is red." said Natsuki thoughtfully.

"Ummm is it the hair of one of the chibi-Midoris?" asked Mai grinning.

"SHIT! Your too good at this game." cried Natsuki angrily.

"Oh yes!" smirked Haruka remembering what she ought to have remembered in the first place.

"The Firestring Ruby Red slippers if you please!" she commanded to Natsuki.

"Ehh sorry I already gave them to Mai." the Semi-Ok Witch shrugged.

Mai pranced around in front of Haruka as if to add insult to injury.

"Ooooh shiny!" commented Yukino distracted by the glow of the Firestring Ruby slippers.

The chibi-Midoris began to sing "Diamonds on the soles of her shoes" by Paul Simon.

"Enough singing and dancing!" ordered the Wicked Witch, who by now had a migraine.

"She's just jealous." whispered Mayor Midori to Mai.

"Yeah can't sing or dance, poor thing." mentioned another.

"I can so sing and dance!" Haruka angrily replied, the vein in her forehead ready to pop.

"C'mon Haruka-chan, let's go plot your revenge in the privacy of our own evil lair." suggested Yukino.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" the blonde laughed loudly. "Watch your back Mai." Haruka continued. "Cuz I'll get you my pretty! And your little dog too!" she finished pointing at poor Takumi.

Then in a flash of green light, both Haruka and Yukino were gone.

"Uh-oh it's dinner-time." commented Natsuki looking at her watch. As she said that the blue light once again appeared and began to swallow her up.

"Wait! How do I get home?" she called out to the fading Semi-Ok Witch.

"Follow the Yellow brick road." Natsuki called back before being engulfed in the light.

"Yeah follow the Yellow brick road!" the chibi-Midoris chorused behind her.

"Where will that lead me?" asked Mai cautiously.

"To The Shiz!" exclaimed Mayor Midori.

"The Shiz?" Mai questioned.

"Yes the most powerful, pleasurable, magical, mystical, super, awesome, cool, hip, happening person in all of Oz!" spat out another random Midori.

"At least that's what her fangirls tell us." shouted another.

"If anyone can get you home it would be The Shiz." agreed the chibi-Midoris among themselves.

"Well then I guess we better be going right Takumi?" Mai said looking down affectionately at her chihuahua.

Takumi the chihuahua just barked and wagged his tail in response.

"We wish we could come along, but it's not safe for us, cuz well ya know the witch and everything..." Police Officer Midori trailed off.

"I understand." Mai said as she thanked the Midoris for their help and headed off toward the golden yellow path.

End Chapter 1

Next chapter: Mai meets Tate the Scarecrow, Kazuya the Tinman and Takeda the Cowardly Lion! Plus Flying Perverted Monkeys and Nao-chan!

Please Read and Review.

Thanx ;)

ShotgunNeko


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

Thanx to all who read the first chapter and are enjoying the fic so far. This thing is moving pretty fast, which is great, hopefully no more than 5 chapters lol.

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own Mai Hime/Mai Otome or anything else that may be already licensed ;)

**Chapter 2:**

Mai was feeling faint. She had been walking for what seemed like hours, and still as she looked on there seemed to be no end to the Yellow Brick road. She wondered if she should stop to take a rest. She also wondered why she hadn't asked the chibi-Midoris how long exactly it would take to reach The Shiz. As she was pondering her next move, Mai was unaware that she was being followed.

"My my, those are expensive looking shoes." said a low voice behind her.

Mai turned around to see a young girl dressed in a green shirt and tights. The girl also wore black boots and a weird looking green cap with a feather sticking out of it. As Mai took in the girl's presence, it was only then that she realized the girl was pointing a bow and arrow straight at her heart.

"What? Who-Who are you? Mai managed to stammer out.

"No I believe the question is who are you?" the girl grinned slyly, arrow still pointed at Mai. "And where did you get those shoes?"

Before Mai could answer she was interrupted by three strange looking fellows standing behind the girl. Mai noticed that they were a scarecrow, a lion, and a tinman?

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea." said the Scarecrow with his hand to his head, as if thinking.

"She looks mean and scary!" cowered the Lion.

"Squeak" was the only reply from the Tinman.

"Quiet you fools!" exclaimed the girl, clearly frustrated, before turning to Mai. "Your name?"

"I'm sorry!" Mai exclaimed quickly. "I'm Mai Tohika and this is my dog Takumi. I don't know how I got here, but Natsuki the Semi-Ok Witch gave me the Firestring Ruby Red slippers after I killed the Wicked Witch of The East." Mai said as fast as she could, fearing the girl would pierce her heart at any moment.

"Hmmm.." the girl stopped, putting down her bow. "Defeated the Wicked Witch eh? Then I suppose you are a formidable adversary. The likes of which I shouldn't take lightly." the girl took a step back.

"My name is Robin Nao and these are my band of Whiny Men." Robin Nao said as she gestured to the three figures behind her.

"I steal from the rich, poor, oppressed, hawt, bitchy, women, children and anyone else who may cross my path. Then I give it all to charity. That charity being me, because we all know charity begins at home." Robin Nao finished looking quite pleased with her spiel.

"Robin Nao?" Mai asked looking confused once again.

"Yes? Is there a problem?" asked Robin Nao.

"Well um no...It's just that well, you seem out of place here?" Mai said reaching for her words, trying not to insult the girl.

"I guess Natsuki was right to entrust you with those slippers, you are perceptive as well as dangerous." Robin Nao observed. "The last thing I remember before I came here was kicking it in Sherwood Forest with my crew. Arika, Nina, Irina, Youko, and Chie. We were off to meet Maid Mashiro for a celebratory picnic in the forest. Unfortunately we were caught by Sherrif Shiho of Nottingham. The last thing I remember I was spiraling out of control, thrown from my world into this crazy world of Oz. I found the Lion, Scarecrow, and Tinman shortly after that and tried to band together a new group. It's just not the same though." Robin Nao said, feeling reminiscent.

Robin Nao's band of Whiny Men also had their tales of woe to share with Mai.

"My name is Takeda the Cowardly Lion." said the first one. "I am afraid of everything, especially GIRLS!" he hid his eyes with his paws. "I have a huge crush on a certain Semi-Ok Witch, but every time she even gets close to me I faint, sweatdrop, and get a massive nosebleed!" he continued as he started to cry. "Oh if I only had some courage, then I could ask that wonderful girl out."

"There, there." said Mai gently, patting the poor Lion on the head.

"My name is Kazuya the Tinman." said the next one. "My problem has to do with a girl too."

"Oh it's always about a girl in this fandom." said Robin Nao under her breath.

"What?" asked Mai.

"Er-nothing!" Robin Nao shut her mouth.

"I met the most wonderful girl too. Her name is Akane The Uber Great Witch of the South. I love her with all my heart. The only problem is I DON'T HAVE A HEART! So how can I possibly love her?" the Tinman also began to cry. Well in his case it was more like leak.

"Uh oh that's gonna rust." he said warily.

"Oh not again." sighed Robin Nao pulling out her ever handy tube of lube. "I don't just carry around lube for anyone ya know?" she scolded the Tinman.

"That's not the right kind of lube." the Tinman coughed.

"Oh right! That's for my OTHER extracurricular activities." she said simply as she retrieved a can of oil from inside the Tinman's chest compartment.

Before Mai could wonder any further about Robin Nao and her tube of lube, the Scarecrow spoke.

"My name is Tate the Scarecrow." he said, never taking his eyes off Mai's large bazoongas.

"Let me guess. You need a brain?" Mai replied dryly, pushing the Scarecrow's chin up so his eyes were not longer on her boulders.

"Oh woe is me. If I had some courage I'd be checking out Mai's rack too." Takeda said under his breath.

Mai, having the good heart that she did, tried to think of a way she could help these poor creatures.

"Hey I know!" Mai beamed. "Why don't you all come along with me to see The Shiz? Then we can all ask her to grant our requests." Mai looked happily at the group.

"Really? A brain? A heart? Courage?A Lamborghini? 2 trips back home for you and I? Don't you think were asking a bit much?" asked Robin Nao skeptical.

"Were not asking for a Lambo." Mai rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah my bad!" grinned Robin Nao.

"What have we got to lose?" asked Mai hopefully.

"I guess if all else fails I'm sure The Shiz probably has something we can lift off of her. Gold? Silver? Precious family heirlooms? Cocktail Wieners with Dijon mustard?" Robin Nao began to salivate thinking of all the wonderful treasures they were sure to find at The Shiz's mansion.

"Good then it's settled." Mai smiled at her newfound friends, as she linked arms with them and began to skip down the Yellow Brick road.

"I feel another musical number coming on." sulked Robin Nao as she began to dance and sing along with Mai and her Whiny Men.

_Oh were off to see The Shiz_

_The wonderful Shiz of Oz_

_If a Shiz there ever was_

_The Shiz of Oz is one because_

_Because because because because_

_Because of the wonderful things she does!_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Not far from where Mai and her friends were singing and dancing up a storm, the Wicked Witch of the West was plotting her vengeance.

"Oh I love you Uncle Jesse." the Witch swooned.

Actually the Witch was watching her favorite farmer-vision T.V. program, Full House.

"Yukino come here and hold the bunny ears, Uncle Jesse is out of focus." the Witch complained to her Apprentice.

"How come we don't have cable?" grumbled Yukino. "I mean most people even have HDTV by now--" Yukino trailed off as she caught the daggers being shot at her by Haruka.

"Just fix it in time for Saved By The Bell." the Witch barked, anxious to see her beloved Zac and Slater.

"I hate TBS." groaned Yukino inwardly.

"Anywho Yukino have you set the trap for our dear friend Mai?" the Witch asked, in between commercials.

"I have summoned the leader of the Flying Monkeys to our lair. She should be arriving in about a half an hour." Yukino replied.

"Sweet! Bring on Screech!" the Witch smiled happily, adjusting her sweatpants and grabbing her bowl of popcorn.

Yukino left the Witch to her beloved T.V. program as she met with the leader of the Monkeys. Yukino explained to the girl that Mai was the enemy and that she was trying to steal all the Ramen in Oz and must be stopped at all costs.

"Steal my Ramen?" the monkey asked angrily as her eyes glowed an eerie yellow. "I don't think so!" she yelled as she took off out the window.

"It's good to be bad." grinned the Apprentice Witch.

End Chapter 2

Next chapter: What will our little monkey friend do to Mai and her new friends? Will we finally meet The Shiz? Will Yukino ever convince Haruka to get HDTV?

Thanx for reading and reviewing

Take care my friends

ShotgunNeko


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

Thank you to everyone who keeps coming back. You make it enjoyable to do this. You are the only reason I continue on ;)

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own Mai Hime/Otome or Dallas.

**Chapter 3:**

"All I'm saying is I bet The Shiz has HDTV..." Yukino trailed off.

The Wicked Witch's jealousy towards THAT person soon got the better of her.

"What? That Bubuzuke Shiz? Well I can't be seen falling behind her. Yukino call our local cable provider at once!" she commanded.

"Yes!" grinned Yukino, silently patting herself on the back. Her dreams would soon be coming true, as they would be receiving their HDTV before the brand new season of her favorite show, Dog The Bounty Hunter.

Yukino got caught up in thinking about how great Beth's larger than life boobs------er personality would look in high definition. Yeah personality was what she was definitely thinking of. Keep telling yourself that Yukino. Keep telling yourself that.

----------------------------------------------------l-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at South Fork, J.R. was planning a diabolical scheme involving Cliff Barnes. Sue Ellen was having second, third, fourth and fifth thoughts about her marriage, causing her to start drinking again. Pamela had gone off the deep end because she couldn't get pregnant, while Bobby was standing around shirtless, looking confused. He was obviously shirtless for no other reason than smex appeal.

Through it all Miss Ellie, clad only in a very unfashionable one piece outfit, which resembled pajamas accompanied by what looked like a bib down the front, watched on, worried for her family.

Wait—this isn't DALLAS, it's OZ!

Sorry about that folks, wrong fic.

"Ahem."

Back in Oz, Mai and her friends had been walking, laughing and talking for about an hour, before they decided to take a break. The Tinman needed to be lubed up again, and everyone else was hungry. Robin Nao used her wonderful archery skills to shoot some apples down from a nearby tree, and now the group was feasting on the fruit.

They didn't have much time to enjoy though, before they were suddenly attacked by the leader of the Flying Monkeys. What the Monkey seemed to lack in size, she made up for in sheer strength and agility. She immediately began to attack the Scarecrow.

"Ouch! Ouch!" Tate cried out, as the Monkey jumped on him and began to pull the hay out of his head, until he fell, beaten to the ground.

Next she assaulted the Tinman, punching him in the nose. He fell to the ground, as his nose began to leak all over his body.

"Aww crap." he sighed, before his body stiffened and he became immobile.

The Monkey then focused on the Lion. She looked at him and then bared her Monkey teeth, complete with bad Monkey breath, scaring the Lion. Takeda took off running towards the forest in fright.

She then cast her eyes towards Robin Nao, who had her arrow poised to shoot. The Monkey snorted, as if unimpressed, before looking at Mai.

The Monkey's eyes then popped out of her head, as her gaze settled upon Mai's chest.

"Awesome!" yelled the Monkey, running towards Mai, as she latched onto the redhead's large bosom.

"Hey!" yelped Mai, shocked.

Robin Nao just snickered.

The Monkey continued her assault of Mai, grabbing and touching feverishly. "So soft!" she exclaimed, burying her head into the pillows.

By this time the Lion had wandered back from the forest, and the Scarecrow finally had his head on straight. Robin Nao was once again attending to the poor rusted Tinman.

"I love you!" yelled the now seemingly harmless Monkey.

"Um—I don't even know you." stuttered Mai.

"I'm sorry." the Monkey said, letting go of Mai's chest. "I'm Mikoto the Flying Monkey." she grinned, taking Mai's hand.

"Hi Mikoto." Mai said shyly. She was a bit overwhelmed by all the attention. "I'm Mai." she stated.

At the mention of her name, Mikoto's eyes went wide. "The Ramen stealer?" she asked, immediately concerned.

"What? Ramen? No!" Mai answered. "I'm just trying to get back home from Oz." she explained to the Monkey.

The rest of the group had gathered behind Mai and Mikoto, and were now listening to the conversation.

"Mikoto these are my friends Robin Nao, Tate, Takeda and Kazuya." Mai introduced everyone and in turn the others waved. "We are on a journey to find The Shiz so she can grant us our requests." Mai finished.

Mikoto looked at the group and then back at Mai. She then looked again at Mai's wondrous chest.

"Guns of Steel!" she exclaimed again, happily.

Everyone including Mai sweatdropped.

"I will help Mai get home!" Mikoto shouted enthusiastically. "I will guard Mai's chest!" the little Monkey looked quite pleased with herself.

Mai couldn't help but find the Monkey girl cute. Mikoto was also a force to be reckoned with. She would come in handy if they were to encounter any danger on their journey.

"Mikoto, do you know how far it is to The Shiz's Castle?" Mai asked the Monkey.

"Mmmhmmm" the Monkey said, nodding and pointing over the hill.

"Were almost there?" Robin Nao asked.

"Just over the hill. Should take about 30 minutes of so." Mikoto responded.

Everyone broke out into cheers and high-fives, except Robin Nao and Mikoto.

"High-fives are gay." Robin Nao deadpanned.

"Too early to celebrate." warned Mikoto.

"How come?" asked Mai.

"Have to get by the hired muscle first." said Mikoto, her eyes darting from side to side.

"Guards?" asked Mai.

"Worse!" whispered Mikoto. "Fangirls! Rabid Shiz-luvin Fangirls!" Mikoto shuddered as she said this.

"Noooooooooooooooo! I can't do it! It's too much!" yelled Takeda the Lion, as Robin Nao held his tail so he couldn't run off.

"Calm down." sneered Robin Nao, as she pulled on the tail.

"Girls! Girls are the worst! So scary and mean! Always rejecting me! Oh the pain! The agony!" he continued to rant and rave.

"How many are we talking about?" asked Robin Nao, wondering what exactly they were up against.

"Hundreds, maybe even thousands." replied Mikoto seriously.

"The Shiz is well loved." said Mai in awe.

"We will never be able to take them by force." observed Kazuya.

"If we can't use force then maybe we can use our brains." Robin Nao said, before thinking.

The Scarecrow cursed.

"Oh sorry. I forgot." said Robin Nao apologetically.

The Scarecrow folded his arms and turned away. Robin Nao ignored him and moved over beside the Lion. She then proceeded to take out a pair of small scissors and cut a piece of the Lion's fur from his mane.

"Owwww my precious hair!" yelped Takeda.

"Suck it up princess." snapped Tate.

Everyone looked at the Scarecrow in surprise.

"What? I may not have a brain, but I do have ears and his whining is beginning to hurt." Tate explained.

"What is this in my hand?" asked Robin Nao, holding up the Lion's hair.

"It's Takeda's hair. Duh." replied the Scarecrow.

"Wrong! It's a lock of hair from The Shiz!" exclaimed Robin Nao excitedly.

Everyone except Robin Nao looked extremely confused.

"And this?" Robin Nao continued holding up a half-eaten apple.

"A half-eaten apple core?" asked Mai.

"Nope! It's a half-eaten apple core FROM THE SHIZ'S TRASH COMPOST." Robin Nao declared, seemingly satisfied with herself.

Everyone else was still not getting it.

"Check this out." Robin Nao said, as she grabbed the purse Mai was using for Takumi. "It's a genuine SHIZIFIED hand bag from last fall's Paris Collection. The Shiz grew tired of it and tossed it aside." Robin Nao was grinning from ear to ear.

"Ok explain please?" Mai asked, exasperated.

"It's simple. We can't fight them off, so we will trick them. I will pretend to be a traveling sales person, selling genuine articles from The Shiz's castle at very low, low, affordable prices. When the fangirls come running to my booth to get their very own piece of the precious Shiz, the rest of you will sneak unseen into the castle. The fangirls will be so busy getting psyched about The Shiz, they won't even notice you." Nao finished, feeling quite clever.

"It seems good in theory." Mai said, skeptical of the plan. "But what if they don't fall for it?" Mai questioned.

"That's why I have this." Robin Nao said, pulling out her Insta-Disguise kit. She then proceeded to put on her famous fake nose and mustache with glasses.

"Oh my gawsh who are you? Where's Robin Nao?" cried Tate.

"That is Robin Nao stupid." replied Kazuya.

"No no my friends." Nao corrected them. "I am now Shifty Nao, the world's number one seller of genuine Shizified articles." Robin Nao grinned through her mustache.

"I'll take two!" yelled Tate.

"Dumbass." grunted Kazuya under his breath.

"Wow this idea is so crazy it just might work." said Mai, breaking out into a smile.

"Alright, let's find some more genuinely fake items that we can trick the fangirls with." said Robin Nao.

So everyone began to scurry around, looking for anything at all that Shifty Nao could sell. Once they had gathered enough items to sell, they put their plan into action.

"What about you Robin Nao?" asked Mai concerned. "How will you get into the castle?"

"Don't worry about me little lady. I have my ways." Robin Nao assured her.

Robin Nao then proceeded to take the items and begin to set up her Shiz-stand on the hill. It didn't take long before hordes and hordes of Shiz-luvin fangirls crowded the booth. Each girl was desperate to get her hands on some Shiz memorabilia of her very own.

Carnage. Pure and simple. That was the only way to describe it, as they fought amongst themselves over each precious article they believed to be taken from The Shiz's castle. As the girls fought, Mai and her group proceeded to the entrance of the castle. Mai looked back to the hillside and silently prayed that Robin Nao would be alright. She really had no need to worry, as Robin Nao could take care of herself.

"This is the way I make a buck, make a buck, make a buck. This is the way I make a buck, all by exploiting The Shiz." Robin Nao sang happily, as she continued to watch the cash flow in, only vaguely caring if Mai and the others made it or not.

End Chapter 3

Next Chapter: Enter The Shiz! Finally!

Thanx to all for reading and reviewing. Next chapter is where it's gonna get good.

ShotgunNeko


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **

Sorry for the late update. I am having the day from hell as the sewer in my basement backed up and then I got a flat tire. LOL so needless to say I am glad the day is over. Anyways at least writing this put a smile on my face, so please continue to read and let me know if ya like it:)

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Mai Hime/Mai Otome

**Chapter 4:**

The Shiz sat idly at her desk, sipping her tea. She was completely bored. Nothing exciting ever happened in Oz. The only fun things that ever happened were the weekend parties. The only reason the parties were fun for The Shiz, was because sometimes, only sometimes, Natsuki The Semi-Ok Witch of The North decided to grace them with her presence. The Shiz felt her cheeks redden, as she thought of Natsuki. She was so sexy.

"I love the way her hair waves dramatically, even when there's no wind." The Shiz thought out loud, before looking down at the invitation before her.

**What:** CUMMONIWANNALAYYA 2008

**When:** This Saturday 8PM

**Where: **The Wicked Witch of The West's not-so-secret evil lair. (detailed directions and map on back of invitation)

**Attire: **T-shirts, shorts, swim wear, any swag with pineapples/palm trees on it.

**Come on and get lei'd!**

"The Apprentice Witch must have been in charge of the invites." The Shiz mused. "I find it hard to believe Haruka has a sexual innuendo bone in her body." she grinned.

At that moment The Shiz was pulled from her daydreaming as a group of unknown intruders barged their way into her office. The Shiz could only sit and watch as the five people/animals/inanimate objects piled through the door. The Shiz looked at them and they looked at her. She slowly took a sip of her tea. Maybe things weren't going to be so boring today after all.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the evil lair, Haruka and Yukino were preparing for their big party. Haruka was going over the final touches with the party planner.

"So I want the DJ to set up over here, and then the main dance floor area can be this whole area over here." the Witch said, pointing to a large open space.

"I want all the servers dressed in skimpy outfits serving the hors d'oeuvres!" Yukino exclaimed from behind the Witch.

"Damnit this is getting expensive Yukino." the Witch grumbled, always the cheapskate.

"But Haruka-chan don't you want to outdo The Shiz's Valentine's Day Spectacular she held last month?" Yukino asked, knowing exactly how to push the Witch's in the direction she wanted.

"Your right Yukino. I must spare no expense as this is "CUMMONIWANNALAYYA 08"! My time to shine." Haruka said, stars in her eyes.

Yukino giggled as she wasn't sure Haruka-chan even understood the meaning of "CUMMONIWANNALAYYA". The Wicked Witch actually thought it was the Hawaiian word for party.

"Ok ok I've got it! How about this? At midnight for dessert I'm thinking we bring out a huge chocolate Oreo Cookie, big enough for everyone to have a bite!

"Oh yeah The Shiz had a huge chocolate Oreo Cookie for her big birthday bash last year and everyone loved it." gushed the party planner.

"Aww screw that then. I don't want a huge chocolate Oreo Cookie if The Shiz had one." the Witch whined.

"Does it matter?" asked the party planner.

"Yes it matters. I don't want to do it if The Shiz already did it." the Witch quipped.

"What about a popcorn machine?" asked the planner.

"Did The Shiz do it?" Haruka asked, biting her lip.

"The Shiz did it." the party planner whispered.

"A full coffee bar with mochafrappalattes?" asked Yukino.

"The Shiz did it." the party planner said again, getting scared for her life, as the Witch looked like she was about to explode.

"Damnit what didn't The Shiz do? Wait I know. Yes it's perfect. At midnight all the lights go down, the music stops and then we wheel in a Ferrari. Except it's not a Ferrari, it's a cake, and everyone gets a piece." Haruka laughed diabolically.

"The Shiz didn't do it." the party planner confirmed with Yukino.

"Haruka-chan really the logistics of getting a cake the size of a Ferrari in time for the party is out of the question." Yukino tried to reason with the Witch.

"Blah! This party has to be off the hook don't you get it? I mean off the hook! So nobody remembers that lame ass party that Bubuzuke Shiz threw." the stubborn Witch lamented. "When everyone sees the Ferrari cake they will shudder and know my greatness." Haruka finished, raising her fist in the air dramatically.

"You would look so much cooler if your hair waved dramatically for no reason in particular." Yukino observed.

"What?" screamed Haruka.

"Oops! Did I say that out loud?" asked Yukino, suddenly realizing that she had spoken what she meant to have thought.

Haruka dismissed it, as she was too pumped up for her party to care. She couldn't wait to see The Shiz's face as "CUMMONIWANNALAYA" was going to be the best party anyone in Oz had ever seen.

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Mai looked at the beautiful brunette sitting at the desk. The rest of her group was speechless as they took in the woman's good looks. Mai figured that this must be the castle's secretary as there was no way someone as important and well loved as The Shiz would actually be doing desk work.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry for barging in like this with my friends." Mai started. "But I was hoping that we could see The Shiz." she finished.

The Shiz looked at each member of the rag tag group. A human girl, a lion, a scarecrow, a tinman, and was that a flying monkey? What a diverse group of people. The Shiz put her tea down and stared directly into the eyes of the orangeheaded girl.

"Ara, what can I do for you today?" she asked in a soft kyoto-ben accent, leaning back in her chair.

Takeda promptly fainted, and his nose gushed red at the sound of her sexy voice.

"Kazuya and Tate quickly pulled him up, embarrassed in front of the beautiful young woman.

"I'm so sorry!" Mai exclaimed on Takeda's behalf.

"It's alright." smiled The Shiz. "I believe you needed to speak to me about something?" she asked, crimson eyes once again meeting violet.

"You mean you're The Shiz?" Mai asked surprised.

The Shiz laughed. "Were you expecting someone else?"

"Yes! I mean no! I mean, well the way everyone was talking I was expecting something a little more..." Mai trailed off.

"Flashy?" The Shiz finished.

"YES!" exclaimed Mai, before realizing she may have insulted The Shiz.

The Shiz pulled a blinking, neon Budweiser sign from her top drawer and plugged it into the wall beside her desk. It was hideously ugly, but it was the only gift she had ever received from her beloved Semi-Ok crush, and so she treasured it dearly.

She remembered the day she received the present as if it were yesterday. It had been her big birthday bash and the Semi-Ok one had rode in on her motorcycle, throwing the gift at The Shiz.

"Here ya go babe. Enjoy." Natsuki had said using her super sexy voice, the one she reserved for birthdays and x-mas parties.

The Shiz sighed happily, before once again being snapped out of her daydream.

"Is that flashy enough for you?" she asked, smiling at her own cheekiness.

"It definitely helps." Mai replied.

At that moment they were all in for a surprise as Robin Nao crashed through the office window, falling awkwardly on top of Takeda. Takeda couldn't handle the thought of having the hot Robin Nao on his chest and once again he fainted. Robin Nao ignored him, as she usually did, and dusted herself off.

"Robin Nao are you ok? How did you escape the rabid fangirls?" Mai asked shocked to see her friend.

"I have my ways!" Robin Nao said, tipping her hat to Mai.

"But it was impossible?" Mai said, again confused.

"Um in case you forgot I'm awesome." Robin Nao shrugged.

Mai decided to leave it at that and turned back to The Shiz.

The Shiz gestured to chairs scattered around the desk, and everyone in the group took a seat, except Takeda who was still unconscious.

"Ara, Ara such commotion. Now please tell me why you're all here." The Shiz beckoned.

Mai and the others began to tell their tale about a brain, a heart, courage, Sherwood Forest and last but not least, returning to Fuuka. The Shiz listened intently, continuing to sip her tea in a most ladylike fashion. When Mai was finished she stopped to take a breath and looked at The Shiz.

The Shiz had her eyes closed as if thinking hard. She put the teacup down and began to speak.

"So how good of friends would you say you are with the Semi-Ok Witch?" she finally asked, causing everyone to sweatdrop.

"Um, I wouldn't say I'm friends with her." Mai stammered.

"Ara, of course you are. You played "I Spy" and she let you keep those slippers. I'd say you two are pretty close." The Shiz observed.

"And you know what that means?" asked The Shiz seriously.

"No? What?" Mai asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"You can be my WINGMAN!" The Shiz exclaimed excitedly.

"What?" yelled Robin Nao as Mai sweatdropped, allowing Mikoto to cop a good feel or two.

The Shiz handed the invite to Robin Nao to look over.

"That's what I'm talking about." The Shiz gave her trademark smile.

"CUMMONIWANNALAYYA 08!" Nao read and burst out laughing.

Mai looked at The Shiz. The woman couldn't be serious. She wanted to go to a party? What was going on?

"I'm sorry Mai, let me better explain." The Shiz apologized, realizing Mai was confused.

"I will grant all of your requests but on one condition." The Shiz stood up from her desk.

"What's that?" asked Mai.

"You will all accompany me to the Wicked Witch's party and help me get a date with Natsuki The Semi-Ok Witch of The North." The Shiz grinned, crossing her arms.

"But the Witch wants to KILL US!" Mai argued, looking at Mikoto for backup.

Mikoto nodded her head and made the cutthroat gesture.

"Nonsense! The Witch is only evil from Monday to Friday. She never works on the weekend. Witches Union Rules. Most weekends she spends in her expandable sweatpants, watching TBS." The Shiz argued back.

"So she won't try to kill us if we attend?" asked Tate.

"Nope! Yukino won't allow her to work overtime." The Shiz could feel the group beginning to cave.

"Alright we'll do it." Mai agreed, realizing that it was the only way for her to get home.

"Great!" grinned The Shiz, who suddenly felt better than she had in years. With Mai by her side, there was no way she was going to chicken out and not at least ask Natsuki to dance with her.

With their plan in motion, The Shiz set out to make good on her promise.

"One brain, heart and some courage coming right up." she said, leading the group into her secret chambers.

"Are you sure you can help us all?" asked Robin Nao, always the doubter.

"Of course. I'm perfect." The Shiz simply stated.

Outside hundreds of screaming fangirls, who were enjoying what they believed was genuine Shizified swag, would have agreed wholeheartedly to that statement.

End Chapter 4

Next Chapter: The Shiz makes wishes come true! Can her own wish be granted?

First of all I have to credit South Park for the scene with Haruka and the Ferrari cake. That scene is from my fave episode called Hell on Earth 2006 where Satan throws a super sweet 16 Halloween party like the spoiled girls on the tv show of the same name. He goes overboard trying to outdo P.Diddy and yeah of course hilarity ensues. Anyways I changed it up a bit obviously because I don't like being too unoriginal BUT I had to leave the Ferrari comments the same because they were too good not to.

I can actually see Haruka and Satan getting along quite well LMAO.

Anyways thanx all for reading and reviewing

Keep em coming.

Take Care

ShotgunNeko.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

Sorry to all for taking a few days to update. I usually try to have chapters out every couple of days for my stories but I've been busy and tired LOL a very bad combination. Anyways please enjoy and review if you can it's always appreciated.

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own Mai Hime/Otome/Strawberry Panic/Marimite/any other licensed character who may happen to be at the party.

**Chapter 5:**

While the Shiz was busy whipping up a brain, heart and courage, she led the boys and girls to two different wardrobes so they could pick out some appropriate digs for the occasion. 

Robin Nao was dressed in a pink and white striped tank top with baggy khaki shorts. On her face were a pair of red-tinted, circular sunglasses. She was definitely looking forward to the party. The Shiz had offered to send her home first but Robin Nao was not having it.

"Miss the party of the century? Hells no!" Robin Nao had replied. She of course had an ulterior motive for wanting to stay. A not-so-secret evil lair was probably full of priceless items that she could sell or pawn. She got excited just thinking about it. 

"How do I look?" asked Robin Nao, modeling for Mai and Mikoto.

Both girls gave the thumbs up.

"I'm not sure about this t-shirt.." Mai said, looking at Mikoto.

Mai was wearing a white baby tee with one of those funny sayings on the front. This particular shirt had been picked out by Mikoto. 

"I'd go gay for flying monkeys?" Robin Nao read Mai's shirt and began to laugh uncontrollably.

Mikoto grinned and assured Mai that this shirt was da bomb. Mikoto was wearing a promotional Del Monte t-shirt that The Shiz had found in a box of bananas. We all know that monkeys love bananas, and Mikoto was no different. Mai didn't have the heart to tell her how tacky and uncool the bright yellow shirt was and so with that they were done dressing.

If anyone actually cared about the guys in this story I would describe their attire. Anyone? Yeah I didn't think so.

At that moment The Shiz walked in and informed everyone she was ready for them.

"Robin Nao are you trying to steal my precious family heirlooms?" asked The Shiz, amused.

Robin Nao adjusted the vase in her pants. 

"Um no..." she said, turning away.

"Is that a ming vase in your pants?" asked The Shiz.

"Of course not Shiz. I'm just really happy to see you?" Robin Nao grinned sheepishly.

As The Shiz motioned everyone into her chambers, Robin Nao returned the vase to it's rightful spot, making sure to avoid eye contact with The Shiz.

"Ara, never a dull moment with you." The Shiz joked as she led the group to their destination.

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The Wicked Witch was cackling for no good reason. Well, actually she did have a reason, she just hadn't shared it with anyone yet.

"I just received an RSVP from The Shiz." she laughed maniacally. "And guess what?" Haruka grinned.

"What?" asked Yukino, going over the guest list, only half listening to Haruka.

"She's bringing Mai and company! I can kill two stones with one bird!" The Wicked Witch continued laughing stupidly.

"Haruka-chan! If I told you once, I've told you a number of times, I am not working overtime." Yukino began to argue. "And it's kill BIRDS with STONES, not stones with birds." she corrected.

"Birds? Stones? Who cares? Tonight I'll have my revenge on The Shiz, and my brand spanking new Firestring Ruby Red slippers." the Witch rubbed her hands together in anticipation.

"Remember Witches Union Rules." Yukino warned.

"Relax. I am not going to do anything stupid." Haruka shot back.

"Oh really?" asked Yukino, not hiding her surprise.

"Just before the stroke of midnight and the goodness that will be my Ferrari cake, I will get rid of Mai and Takumi, and then I will wear the slippers while I cut and eat my cake." Haruka's eyes glazed over as she imagined her prefect party.

"How are you going to get rid of them?" Yukino snorted. " A horrible accident?" she joked.

"Precisely!" grinned the Witch. "Just before midnight I will RELEASE THE HOUNDS!" the Witch again began to laugh, giving the party planners and Yukino a massive headache from all the cackling.

"We have hounds?" asked Yukino.

"Of course. Every not-so-secret evil lair comes standardly equipped with a torturous dungeon, a moat with retractable drawbridge and of course releasable snarling, angry, nasty hounds." Haruka stated matter-of-factly.

Yukino knew better than to argue with the Witch. She decided the best course of action would be to get as plastered as possible and pretend she didn't know Haruka, when her plan blew up in her face. She knew it would. It always did.

"So once I release the hounds, and they attack Mai and company, sadly killing them, I will pretend to be upset and saddened and everyone will believe it was an accident." the Witch continued. "Besides one can't be held responsible for the behavior of their pets now can they?" she said rhetorically.

"Well actually---" Yukino started but was cut off.

"I didn't think so!" the Witch interrupted, not wanting to be challenged. "I have decided and that's all there is to it!" she proclaimed loudly.

Yukino, once again, knew better than to argue. She knew for a fact that Haruka's best laid plans would go up in smoke, in some form or another. Regardless, this party was definitely going to be interesting.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"For you cowardly lion, you shall be cowardly no more." said The Shiz in a very serious voice.

The lion knelt before The Shiz, ready to accept his courage. He was so excited, he couldn't wait to have confidence. The Shiz looked down at him and handed him his courage, in the form of a small business card.

"What's this?" asked the lion, confused.

"Takeda, the lion." The Shiz addressed him, handing him the card, and motioning for him to stand up.

"No longer will you be afraid of girls, or anything else that comes your way." she smiled and once again motioned for him to open his paw and read the card.

"P.I.M.P." Takeda read slowly and then looked at The Shiz, still confused.

"That's right. Anytime you feel scared, nervous or lacking confidence, you just take out your P.I.M.P. card and remember how cool your are. Guys want to be you, girls want to sleep with you. You are the MAN! Or in your case the LION!" The Shiz finished.

"Just remember stupid, Pimpin' ain't easy." Robin Nao warned.

The lion was overjoyed. He could feel the confidence begin to radiate throughout his body. Getting overly confident he jumped up and hugged The Shiz. That was a no-no. The Shiz politely shook him off and moved on to the Tinman.

"For the man who wants to love, I bestow upon you a heart." The Shiz proclaimed, holding up a half-eaten box of Valentine's Day chocolates in a heart-shaped box. She handed the box to Robin Nao to put into Kazuya's front compartment.

Robin Nao opened the box and popped a chocolate into her mouth. She gagged and made a face, spitting the stale candy out onto the ground. 

"Blech!" she exclaimed as she began putting the heart-shaped box into Kazuya.

"Exactly what I thought too." replied The Shiz.

As Robin Nao shut the front compartment on the Tinman's chest, he began to instantly feel the love inside of him.

"I love you all." he shouted excitedly, hugging Mai and Mikoto.

"Aw save it for your Akane." Mai smiled, happy to see her friend's wishes coming true.

"Last but certainly not least, a wonderful brain for a wonderful Scarecrow." The Shiz beamed at Tate and he blushed furiously. 

The Shiz then had Tate take off his hat and undo his head. She then took a box of SMARTIES and proceeded to shove them into the Scarecrow's head, pushing through the straw and hay.

"How does that feel?" she asked softly, as she tied his head up once again and gently placed his hat on top.

Tate tilted his head from side to side. The sound of the SMARTIES echoed loudly in his ears.

"From now on you will think before you act. When you tilt your head the sound of the SMARTIES will remind you that you now have a brain and you can use it accordingly. Never again will you feel dumb when you remember and use your brain." The Shiz stated.

The Scarecrow could feel himself getting smarted by the minute. The Big Bang Theory, The Theory of Evolution and Lesbianism all became so clear to him. Well ok not lesbianism, but that one will never be figured out.

Mai beamed at her friends. She was so relieved that The Shiz had made good on her promise. The Shiz was definitely a miracle worker. She couldn't wait to get home and tell her friends all about her adventure in Oz. Before she could do that though, she had a Semi-Ok Witch to help The Shiz woo. With determination in her eyes and her friends to help her, Mai was ready to party.

"Ara, well I kept my part of the agreement. Are we are all ready to go?." asked The Shiz. 

Everyone nodded in agreement, as Mai and her friends linked arms, minus Robin Nao, and headed out.

"Linking arms is gay." observed Robin Nao, as she followed the others out the door.

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"Welcome welcome my friends." gushed The Wicked Witch, as she ushered The Shiz, Mai and the rest into her not-so-secret lair.

The Witch then kissed The Shiz on both cheeks, as if they were life long friends. Yukino smiled and took their coats. The place was already getting hot, and many of the guests had arrived or were arriving as they spoke. 

Among the guests were Flying Monkeys, a crew of Chibi-Midoris, various Robots and Androids, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a Kacrozawlf, Godzilla, Jack Black, the entire cast of Saved by The Bell minus Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, cuz Haruka killed her, and two rival gangs---The Marimiters and The Astrea Hill Homies.

Yukino had invited the two fighting lesbian groups, hoping to score a little action for herself. The Marimiters were pissed at The Hill Homies because they felt they stole their shtick. Whatever the case the two were about to collide right now.

Youko glared at Miyuki. 

Eriko and Shion traded icy stares, each wondering why the other's forehead was so big.

Sei flirted with Chikaru. "Hey-- HOW YOU DOINNNN?" she grinned.

It was Hikari who started with the insults.

"Hey there Rosa GINORMOUSA!" grinned Hikari, waving at Shimako.

"Shut-up E-TWAT-sama!" Shimako sparred back, with Rei standing behind her.

Amane came up behind Hikari, protectively wrapping her arms around her girlfriend.

"Well if it isn't the most BORING character in anime." Rei snorted.

"At least I didn't steal Haruka Tenoh's haircut." Amane yelled back. "And what's up with the cousin loving?" she continued.

Rei went red and couldn't think of anything smart to say. Amane knew she had scored a point and broke out in her victory dance.

Shizuma and Sachiko then crossed paths.

"I should have been The Shiz." seethed Shizuma, gritting her teeth.

"You suck biatch." stated Sachiko, in a very un-Sachiko like manner. Hells Bells it was a party, no need to stay prim and proper.

Yumi and Nagisa were as naïve and oblivious as ever. They had run off to the punch bowl and along the way had become each other's new BFF (best friend forever).

Noriko looked at Chiyo. 

"Is this freak supposed to be me?" she asked angrily.

Chiyo tried to run. Chiyo tried to hide. Chiyo ended up getting thrown down and beaten on. Noriko was showing no mercy to the poor girl. 

Tsubomi to the rescue. 

"Hey that looks like fun." the pink haired girl said, as she joined Noriko in killing poor Chiyo.

Maybe not.

"Hey you, yeah you." Touko said, pointing at Tsubomi.

"What about me?" Tsubomi asked, leaving the mangled Chiyo to Noriko.

"If your an uptight first-year who is really in love with the person you pretend not to like then your fight is with me." grinned Touko evilly.

"Oshibaru is pissed off." Kagome observed as the bear performed a flying elbow drop on Kanako.

Yoshino and Yaya were arguing over who was more emo.

"I'm so angsty!" yelled Yaya

"I had a cool disease type thing." growled Yoshino.

Sei continued to molest Chikaru, who after having had NO action in the anime, didn't mind one bit.

Yukino was all the while grinning. Free party entertainment. Free hot girls going at it right in her own living room. It was Wrestlemania! She wondered if she should get the mud now or later. All her wonderful thoughts were interrupted as the roar of a bike sounded in the distance and a flash of blue appeared out of nowhere.

"She's here!" squealed The Shiz uncharacteristically, as she pulled on Mai's arm.

Natsuki The Semi-Ok Witch had arrived.

"Can someone park this for me?" The sexy Semi-Ok one grinned, handing the keys and helmet to the Kacrozawlf who Haruka had just paid to be the valet.

Natsuki looked around, and grinned as she saw Mai.

"Play my song bitches." she ordered the Chibi-Midoris.

The Midoris pumped up the volume and began to sing.

"Shorty had them apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur." sang one Chibi-Midori.

"With da fur!" yelled another.

"The whole club was looking at her." they continued to sing.

"She hit the floor, next thing you know, Shorty got low low low low low low low low!" the whole dance floor was singing now as Natsuki made her way across the room.

"One more time gals." grinned Natsuki.

"Them baggy sweatpants and the Reeboks with the straps." grinned Mai, making her way on stage with the Midoris.

"With da straps!" yelled out Mikoto.

Then to everyone's surprise Robin Nao belted out the next line.

" She turned around and gave that big booty a slap."

"She hit the floor!" sang Mai, Nao and Mikoto.

"She hit the floor!" thought The Shiz, imagining hitting the floor with Natsuki.

"Next thing you know, shorty got low low low low low low low low!" finished off Yukino, who was just getting her drink on.

Haruka smiled from the wings. Looks like everyone's here. Time to party. She vowed this was going to be a night none of them would ever forget. But first, time to mingle. Afterall her guests were waiting for their beautiful, wonderful, charming hostess, and she couldn't dissapoint could she? The Witch adjusted her large pineapple hat and checked herself in the mirror. Hot stuff! With that she was off to cut a rug.

End Chapter 5

Whew! One more to go I think ;)

Sorry to anyone who hasn't seen Maria-sama ga Miteru or Strawberry Panic. The fight scene won't make any sense to you. But I have a feeling most of you have ;)

Anyways sorry it took so long to update. Final chapter coming up soon , as I finally have some time off.

Take care everyone and remember to review as that just makes my day! 

ShotgunNeko


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

Hoorah! Another completed fanfic! "ShotgunNeko does the cabbage patch with Amane." Anyways thank you to everyone who read and reviewed and kept telling me to continue. You guys all rawk!

**Disclaimer:**

Hoo! Haa! I don't own Mai Hime/Otome.

**Chapter 6:**

"Go talk to her." Robin Nao urged, nudging the Tinman.

Akane The Uber Great Witch of The South had just arrived at the party.

"I'm too nervous. My heart is beating a million miles a minute." replied Kazuya, feeling his chest.

"Well if you don't, then someone else will." she pointed to the Lion and Scarecrow who were both reduced to drooling and perspiring in the face of all the hot lezzie action.

"Okay wish me luck." Kazuya said as he began to make his way over to where Akane was standing.

Robin Nao snort-laughed.

"Hey you made me snort-laugh! Wishing people luck is gay." Robin Nao called after him.

"I love you!" Kazuya blurted out hastily, freaking out Akane.

"Stalker!" yelped Akane, jumping into Robin Nao's arms.

"Hey watch it!" Robin Nao cried out, holding onto Akane to balance herself.

"I'm not into guys with RUSTY parts if you know what I mean." Akane said, and everyone knew what she meant.

"But I received a heart just for you." Kazuya said dumbfounded.

"Well sorry to disappoint you but I LOVE ROBIN NAO." Akane proclaimed and kissed Robin Nao on the lips.

Robin Nao's eyes went wide as she realized she was once again kissing one of her Hime comrades in a ShotgunNeko fanfic. Before she could react or bitch about the author, Akane pulled away.

"Hey Robin Nao, is that a vase in your pants? Or are you just happy to see me?" Akane cooed in Robin Nao's ear, while stroking her leg.

"You stole MY girlfriend! Er crush!" Kazuya pointed at Robin Nao, waving his tin finger.

"Stealing eh? Well I do love to steal." Robin Nao pondered for a moment. "Why should stealing girlfriends, er not-so-secret crushes not count too?" she wondered aloud.

Robin Nao then took out her little black book and crossed Akane's name off the list of anime girls in their fandom that she had slept with.

"Hmm Midori, Nina, Alyssa, practically Shizuru and now Akane." Nao felt proud of her sexual conquests. 

"Bring it on ShotgunNeko whose next? Whose next?" Robin Nao challenged the author.

At that moment Yukino waved shyly at Robin Nao.

"Yikes!" Robin Nao picked up the amorous Akane and ran to a bedroom far far away.

Kazuya pouted in the corner.

"I have been programmed to dance." said a monotone voice from out of nowhere.

Kazuya spun around and was surprised to see a beautiful blue haired girl standing behind him. 

"M-My name is Kazuya." he stuttered.

"I'm Miyu." she simply stated.

"Would you like to dance, boogie, cut a rug, shake your bootay, or get down?" Miyu asked, using all the terminology in her database she knew about dancing.

"I would but I just had my heart broken." Kazuya still didn't feel so good.

"I don't have a heart." Miyu droned.

"Really?" Kazuya asked in awe.

"Hearts are gay." bellowed Robin Nao in between rounds with Akane.

Kazuya looked at Miyu. Miyu stared blankly at Kazuya. 

It was inanimate object luvin at it's finest.

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Takeda was feeling quite courageous. His eyes scanned the room, looking for a good looking girl to make his moves on. Initially he had wanted to get down with Natsuki but The Shiz had warned him that the P.I.M.P. card was useless against the almighty power of the S.H.I.Z. card. Takeda, although not the smartest of the bunch, knew when not to press his luck. He was quite satisfied with the fact that he had maintained his composure around all of these beautiful women, as normally he would have passed out from blood loss right about now. 

Finally his gaze was cast upon a cute redhead in the corner.

"She's perfect." he grinned to himself and began to walk over to her.

"Hi there cute stuff." Takeda smiled and pawed at his mane, while holding his P.I.M.P. card out in front of him.

"Oh no you don't you lecherous lion!" interrupted Shizuma, the mistress of the cock block.

Before Takeda could react he was face to face with Shizuma and her very own S.H.I.Z. card.

"Step off beast!" Shizuma growled, her wild untamed hair looking much like a mane in itself.

Nagisa giggled and clung to her overprotective girlfriend.

"Curses! Where do all you "SHIZES" keep coming from?" Takeda whined and stomped his paws against the floor.

It was true, the Shizes were out in full force tonight. Our beloved Shiz was in much the same situation.

Natsuki had just arrived and kept glancing over to where Mai and The Shiz were standing.

"Ara, wingman I believe it's your turn!" The Shiz pushed Mai towards Natsuki.

"What? Oh right. Um wait..." Mai trailed off, hoping to get some more direction from The Shiz, but it was too late as she found herself pushed right into Natsuki.

Natsuki turned around, her hair was not moving.

"Sorry about bumping into you." Mai laughed nervously. "Hey your hair has stopped moving." she observed.

"This is my pouty/flirty look." Natsuki replied, smiling at Mai.

"Right. Gotcha." Mai backtracked, trying not to upset the Witch.

"So do you want to dance?" asked The Semi-Ok one, giving her most flirtatious smile.

"Well actually I'm here for my friend." Mai tried to explain.

"Oh sure, your "friend." Natsuki teased, making the quotation signs with her fingers.

"No really I am!" Mai protested.

Natsuki took Mai into her arms and leaned in real close. Her lips were almost touching Mai's. Mai felt instantly intoxicated. She could see why The Shiz found the Semi-Ok Witch attractive. Mai then remembered why she was there and looked over at The Shiz. 

The Shiz was shooting mental daggers at Mai. If Mai ever hoped to go home she needed to do something and fast.

"What do you think about The Shiz?" Mai asked, pushing Natsuki lightly away from her and changing the subject.

Mai wasn't sure but she thought she saw a small blush appear on Natsuki's face at the mention of The Shiz.

"The Shiz?" Natsuki asked, trying to be as cool as possible. "Meh she's okay I suppose." Natsuki said nonchalantly.

"Did you just blush?" Mai asked.

"No! Why would I blush! It's not like I have a thing for her or anything." Natsuki spat out.

"Hmm me thinks the lady doth protest too much." said Mai quoting from Hamlet, for some strange reason she didn't quite understand.

"What's that supposed to mean?" grumbled Natsuki.

"The Shiz is beautiful, smart, caring and adored by all. What's not to like?" teased Mai again, leaning in to Natsuki's ear. "And guess what? She likes YOU." Mai grinned at the wide-eyed Natsuki.

"Me?" asked Natsuki, who couldn't believe The Shiz liked her the way she liked The Shiz.

"Now it's time for you to bring sexy back! Go get that Shiz!" Mai commanded.

Natsuki needed no other encouragement. Pouty/flirty time was over. Sexy was back! Natsuki's hair began to wave for no reason in particular again as she marched over to The Shiz.

The Shiz was so surprised to be face to face with Natsuki that she dropped her bottle of iced-tea.

Natsuki then pinned The Shiz up against the wall and began to kiss her roughly. She then threw The Shiz onto the condiment table as they continued to kiss, lick and feel each other up by the punchbowl.

Mai was ecstatic.

Mikoto went "bananas". 

Haruka was disgusted.

Yukino was Sexcited.

Tate was thinking with his "other" head.

That was the last straw. The Wicked Witch had enough. She was not going to let The Shiz be the center of attention or the center of the condiment table for one more second.

"Yukino RELEASE THE HOUNDS." Haruka growled to the Apprentice Wicked Witch.

Yukino sighed and walked over to a small red lever by the window. As she pulled on it, a trapdoor opened up and out came a pack of bloodthirsty, ravenous rottweilers.

The rottweilers looked to their left, then to their right. Then the tiniest rottweiler pup appeared in the front of the pack.

"Go Miggitdog!" commanded Haruka.

Miggitdog's bite was worse than her bark and she intended to prove it. She trotted up to The Scarecrow and smiled her cutest smile.

"Awww a puppy!" smiled Tate, fooled by the cute little rottweiler.

Before anyone could stop him, Tate had picked up Miggitdog, a very dangerous move. The puppy smiled once more, before baring it's teeth and attacking the poor stupid Scarecrow. 

"Shoot I forgot to think that one through." yelled Tate as he fell to the floor, his head being torn apart my Miggitdog.

Tate tried to think his way out of the situation, but it was extremely hard with Miggitdog now eating the SMARTIES that The Shiz had put in his head. To add the final insult to injury, the puppy then lifted it's leg and peed on the poor Scarecrow's face.

"Good girl!" The Witch grinned and petted her precious pup.

"Haruka-chan your supposed to be making it look like an accident." Yukino scolded her.

Fortunately for the Witch, nobody really cared about Tate the Scarecrow. In fact most of the girls there were cheering the small rottweiler on. 

"Now time for the big show." Haruka giggled evilly.

Haruka's prized pet Akira, the biggest, baddest, meanest dog you had ever seen, emerged from the trapdoor.

"Whose momma's baby?" Haruka stroked behind Akira's ears and the dog lay down at her feet.

"Now KILL HER!" Haruka ordered and pointed to Mai.

Akira snarled and with lightning fast speed moved to attack Mai. 

Mai cried out, but Natsuki was too busy with her hand down The Shiz's pants to hear or notice. The Shiz was obviously way too far gone herself. Robin Nao was busy with Akane, and the boys of the story were absolutely useless.

Mai covered her head, awaiting the attack. 

"Arf!" barked Takumi the Chihuahua, blocking Akira from Mai.

Haruka laughed. 

"Oh really? You think you can beat my big, bad brute of a dog, Akira?" she taunted Takumi.

"Actually Haruka-chan, Akira is a female." Yukino corrected her.

"What? A female?" Haruka couldn't believe it, she was sure she had gotten Akira neutered.

Takumi barked again and wagged his tail. Akira stared the little dog down. Takumi moved behind her to sniff her butt. Akira turned around and licked Takumi's face.

"What the feck?" yelled The Witch, exasperated.

"Awww Takumi's in love!" squealed Mai, as she watched Akira protectively put a paw around the little chihuahua.

"And they called it puppy love-----" Robin Nao sang out of nowhere, back with Akane by her side.

By this time, The Shiz and Natsuki had gotten a hold of their passion and everyone was now looking at the two cute pups in front of them.

"NO! NO! NO!" yelled The Witch, sounding like a spoiled brat. "This is MY MY MY party! It's supposed to be about ME ME ME!" The Witch pitched a fit. (I dare you to try saying that ten times fast)

Yukino took another swig of her beer. "I don't even know her all that well.." she explained to the party guests. "It's like we just met like a few hours ago." Yukino continued to lie.

"MINE MINE MINE!" the Witch continued to whine, cry and throw herself on the floor in a very unladylike fashion.

Finally The Shiz got tired of the Wicked Witch's tantrum and looked down at her bottle of iced-tea.

"Cool off!" she calmly said, throwing the cold tea on the Witch.

"Noooooo you Bubuzuke Shiz! I'm melting!" Haruka cried out as she began to liquefy.

"Haruka-chan NOOOOOO!" screamed Yukino as Haruka melted into a ball of goo on the dance floor.

"Oh Haruka-chan you may be a ball of goo, but your MY ball of goo!" Yukino proclaimed, borrowing a spatula from yurianimeotaku, who was well known for scraping her cat, pancake, off the floor, (when said cat has been flattened) to scrape Haruka the ball of goo up into her arms.

"I will call you squishy and you will be mine." ranted Yukino. "You will be my squishy!" she continued on in agony.

The Shiz was feeling good. Maybe it was Natsuki's hand down her pants. Maybe it was Yukino's suddenly display of emotion for Haruka. Or maybe just maybe it was the puppy-luvin happening behind her. No it was definitely Natsuki's hand down her pants. ANYWAYS the point is she decided to grant Yukino's heart's desire.

The Shiz waved her hand and the ball of goo that was once the Witch began to solidify once again. Before anyone knew what was happening, Haruka was standing in one piece beside Yukino.

"Thank you Shiz." Yukino said, as she wrapped her arms around Haruka.

Haruka mumbled something that sounded like a thank you.

At that moment Mai interrupted.

"I'm so happy you and Natsuki seem to have found your happy ending Shiz." she smiled. "But now I really need to get home, my friends and family are probably worried." Mai finished.

Natsuki and The Shiz exchanged glances.

"All you have to do my dear Mai is use the Firestring Ruby Red Slippers." Natsuki said, motioning to Mai's feet.

"The slippers?" Mai asked.

"Yes. Click your heels together three times and say the words "There's no place like home." The Shiz told her. "And before you know it, you'll be back in Fuuka." 

Natsuki, The Shiz, Robin Nao, Kazuya, Takeda and what was left of Tate all said their goodbyes to the orange headed girl.

Haruka agreed to let Akira go with Mai, as the dog hadn't left Takumi's side since they had met.

"Thank you everyone. I'll never forget you." Mai began to tear as she said her final goodbyes and clicked her heels together.

"There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!" she said, closing her eyes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mai stretched out in her large bed. The sunlight danced off the bedroom wall, causing the tired girl to open her eyes. Mai's eyes adjusted to the light and she saw that she was not alone in the bed.

"Mikoto!" she exclaimed. "What time is it?" she cried out, suddenly remembering that it was a very important day.

"Relax Mai." smiled Mikoto, wrapping her legs around her lover's body, letting her hands drift and linger on Mai's large belly.

"Sorry. I had some weird dreams last night." Mai relaxed into Mikoto's embrace. "Remind me, no matter how much I crave it, not to eat ice-cream with jellybeans and pickles EVER again." she chided.

Mikoto chuckled. 

"Mikoto, I am having second thoughts about today." Mai said, placing her hands on her stomach, covering Mikoto's.

"But why?" Mikoto asked gently. She had learned that pregnant women were not rational and so to try and rationalize with them was stupid and life threatening. All you could do was nod and smile. NOD AND SMILE!

"I am going to look so fat in my dress!" Mai whined.

"But Mai you are fat." Mikoto teased.

Mai pretended to be hurt and then both girls broke into a fit of giggles.

"I'll get you for that monkey-girl!" Mai laughed, as Mikoto jumped off the bed.

"Monkey-girl?" Mikoto wondered about the strange new nickname, but shrugged it off. "Mai/Preggers/Crazy" she thought.

Mai was excited about seeing all her old high-school friends again. She wondered if she should tell Mikoto about her dream. As she thought about it, her eyesgazed uponthe white invitation on her nightstand and without really thinking she picked it up and began to read what she had already read hundreds of times before.

"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Shizuru Fujino and Natsuki Kuga." she read aloud.

No matter how many times she read and re-read she still couldn't believe her formerly untameable friend was getting married. But as she had witnessed in her dream, The Shiz definitely had powers of persuasion. Mai laughed to herself and decided against telling Mikoto about her dream. 

Besides the wedding invitation was proof that some things in life were definitely stranger than dreams.

The End!

CHAAAA! LMAO...I dunno I think it would be cute if Mai was having monkey girl's baby hmmm?

Anyways thanx to everyone who has stuck by me through this fic. Sad to see it end, but happy it didn't drag on for too many chapters ;)

Please leave your final thoughts as they are the reason I love doing this.

Take care

See you in the next fanfic :) oh yes you can't get rid of me that easily.

ShotgunNeko


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